13 tips on how to handle crucial conversations without breaking relationships

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1. Think in advance what you want to achieve in this conversation (should be shared goals and ideals).
2. Have the conversation in person, not in text/voicemails/phone calls (texting does not convey true emotions, there are no non-verbal clues, and words come across impersonal).
3. State your intention for having that conversation (to solve a misunderstanding, to achieve a shared goal).
4. Start by taking some personal responsibility for the matter (I should have or should not have done/said….).
5. Pause and listen carefully to understand other person’s point of view (do not interrupt even if you disagree).
6. Reflect on their opinion honestly while they are speaking without having pre-formed or practiced response.
7. Acknowledge and validate other person’s concerns without necessarily agreeing with it.
8. Avoid generalizations (Every time I try to do this, You always…..)
9. Respectfully agreeing to disagree.
10. Stay focused on intent and goals of your conversation (keep going back to problem you are trying to solve or goal you are trying to achieve without getting into hearted personal arguments. (Weigh the pros and cons of each strategy).
11. Engage a third or fourth person based on their experience if the conversation is not going anywhere.
12. Thank them for their time and willingness to listen and engage (it shows that they respect you and are willing to talk and you are willing to listen to them).
13. Set some future goals and outcomes (follow up on how is it going, are we still good, anything I can change in my behavior, etc because I really value your opinion/friendship/companionship).

~ by Rizwan Sohail MD & Sarwat Khalil MD